In the future, I’ll be furniture. Step on me now or sit on me later, but either way let me know how I can make you feel comfortable.

“You drink wine by the glass, and I drink wine by the trashcan. Seriously, I’ll …”

“I keep my heart in my hope chest. Other items in there are clothes, towels, sil…”

“A blanket could be used, or it could not be used. They are opposites, but that …”

“It’s hard to believe an eight-foot tall man can come out of a tight vagina. Obv…”