It may be 9:01 am, and I may have a 9-5 business, but if you are a politician, I’m closed. Come back at 5:01—and bring your own coffin.

“I’m on a shoestring budget, which means I don’t have any extra money to buy the…”

“I couldn’t steal an idea. Not even if my clone came up with it. But I could ste…”

“If I knew beforehand that I’d need a good backhand, I’d never have taken up ten…”

“Both sexes have assholes, and both sexes have nipples. Yet only asshole is a ge…”