It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.

“If a billowy white cloud exploded, that’d be close to what my love looks like. …”

“Pulling your head out of your ass is better than pulling your head out of a law…”

“I’d hang a walrus on my wall, and I’d name him Russ. But I’m not a hunter—I’m a…”

“When my grandma moved, she didn’t know anybody. But that was partly due to bein…”