It’s hard to maintain dignity while wearing a coat made out of peacock feathers and pants made out of geriatric human flesh. Still, every other weekend, I have to try.

“A mustache on a stick would not only be tastier than a popsicle, but ticklier t…”

“Everyone in the world ages at exactly the same rate and time. We’re all getting…”

“The morning grass was damp and cool with dew. My yellow rain slicker must have …”

“A lie makes up 3/4ths of life.”