It’s very hard to whisper in your own ear. Love is an art, but as an artist, I guess I’m no Van Gogh.

“I just realized my lips are inside out. They should be turned inwards, because …”

“I wish I could grow out a beard, but my employer won’t let me. Also, Mother Nat…”

“When I get to heaven, and I see a being of light, I’m going to ask him if he’s …”

“I don’t eat food with silverware—I use sponges. I always clean my plate.”