I’ve felt alone, cold, and clothed in shame for too long. Let the sunlight be my blanket, wardrobe, and toilet paper.

“I make love like I ride my two-seater unicycle—slowly. If you feel unstable, yo…”

“If I ever meet Michael Phelps, I’m going to tell him that I am that Michael Phe…”

“There are days when I don’t know how I live with myself. Those days are Sundays…”

“His name is Randy Randy. Or maybe it’s Randy Randy. I always get his first and …”