Just so you know,” I inform him, “one day, I’m going to get tired of sharing your affection with that coffee table and I’m going to make you choose.” “Just so you know,” he mimics me, “I would chop that table up and use it for firewood before I would ever choose anything over you.

“Now I'm standing in black stiletto heels in the middle of a Norman Rockwell pai…”

“Seeing Josh is my homecoming. I didn't tell him I was coming back. He doesn't s…”

“I feel like grabbing my crotch and checking to see if my balls are still there …”

“I live in a world without magic or miracles. A place where there are no clairvo…”