Last night the secrets of the universe were revealed to me, and they had nipples.

“All drivers run red lights the same way—with a glance in the rearview mirror to…”

“I don’t belong to a political party, because I don’t feel invited.”

“I met a man with no forehead and receding eyebrows. He had ketchup crusted on h…”

“I had a dream my house was on fire, and I tried to rescue all the cats—and none…”