Let love find you. Don’t go looking for it. The best way to attract a mate is to post an ad on Craigslist titled, “Have lube, will travel.

“A brick could be used as a bottle opener. Just don’t smash down too hard, or yo…”

“The birds bark my name, and I meow theirs in return. I may be a bit mixed up ab…”

“A blanket could be used like so many poor people get used and then thrown away …”

“I called to tell her I loved her, which was smart, because if I’d have done it …”