Life’s like brown sugar sprinkled on shit. Sure it tastes great, if you don’t mind the smell.

“A brick could be used as a substitute for my father. I hate to admit it, but I …”

“I rented a dress, but not an address. That I had to buy, though it made my ass …”

“Don’t chop off your fingers because you have an itch. That’d be dumb. Instead, …”

“If my love were a bagel, I’d put cream cheese on it. But it’s not a bagel, so I…”