Life's too short to take yourself seriously, and too long to take a wife jokingly.

“Is it any wonder that war is senseless? It’s started by politicians. As a class…”

“The man lying on the sofa seemed friendly. But how friendly could he really be …”

“A blanket could be hung on your living room wall, and watched instead of nightl…”

“I couldn’t have pulled it off if you hadn’t have pulled out all those years ago…”