Love doesn’t spend its time watering your plants. But it might bubblegum swank monkey mouth with you—twice.

“My ex was a BBW, but she looked Ok. Actually, she looked more like Tx.”

“I watch baseball on TV like my cat watches the window. Somebody open the blinds…”

“Reading—it’s the third best thing to do in bed.”

“Dead men’s fingernails make lovely shallow-grave shovels.”