Love has already put on its pants by the time you realize your diaper needs to be changed.

“Men lie to get laid, women lie about orgasms, and hermaphrodites lie to themsel…”

“My mashed potatoes come with a masturbation sound you pour on top, like gravy. …”

“I don’t need a hearing aid—I need a listening aid. And this aid, she’d better b…”

“How to grow up slowly and secretly, not all at once like lunch in a condom, tha…”