Love is 3:33 am plus 360 degrees plus 365 days, minus 12:34 pm. I ought to know, because I weighed it myself.

“If I worked at a Laundromat, I’d steal money, and if I worked at a bank, I’d st…”

“Sunday nights I get about two inches of sleep. But I make do, because that’s al…”

“A brick could be used to better improve relations with your relatives. But if y…”

“I saw two lizards kissing yesterday, but I scared them off. Maybe I should have…”