Love is a bag of electric eels sleeping in a lagoon full of goons and legumes. And I can say that with experience, brought by years of confidence.

“The conversation went like this: Me: Hello? You left your panties over here.
He…”

“I wish I had a crystal bowl to see into the future with. Every morning I would …”

“I like cup holders—in cars, as well as in jockstraps.”

“I hate hearing other people taking shits. Still, I’ve got nothing else to liste…”