Love is a boomerang dripped in honey, in that it emanates from me just as surely as it will return to me. Still, I think I’d much rather wash my hands and be done with it.

“I don’t make love. But I do have it made in China. It’s just more cost effectiv…”

“Sometimes I get advice from the fictional characters in my dreams. Sometimes It…”

“Try my all-you-can-eat vomit soup. Sadly, people don’t want seconds, because th…”

“Just don’t stand around and say, “Just don’t stand around.” That’s my job, and …”