Love is a gift that costs nothing to give. Love is also the most valuable thing in the world. Think about that next time you’re tempted to call me a cheap bastard because I didn’t buy you a birthday present.

“I can do a week in a weekend. That’s not how efficient I am, that’s how little …”

“I’m sexually attracted to statues made out of decomposing food. Is it normal to…”

“What I lack in courage I more than make up for in underwear. I am possibly the …”

“We made love like water makes life, and thinking about it makes me so horny I’m…”