Love spends more time washing its hands than it does pissing in the kitchen sink. Remember that next time someone locks themself in your bathroom for the duration of the football game.

“If love were a variety of dog, I’d want mine hot. I’d take my love with ketchup…”

“Nobody can stop me. But only because I haven’t started yet.”

“Funerals, Coffins, and Death. It’s not just a way of life; it’s also for breakf…”

“I make love like I sell sausages to strange women. One at a time, and always co…”