Love will wreck your heart like a derailed train. So choo-choose your partner wisely.

“I’m wearing my political mustache today. If you want to see it, you’ll find it …”

“I’ve wrestled an alligator before. It wasn’t alive, but I still pinned it down.…”

“Ice cream is like the sun, except instead of it being hot it’s cold. Also it’s …”

“I’ve been meaning to go shopping for boxing gloves, but I’ve been putting it of…”