Loyalty is for the dogs. Count me among the cats. And count me twice—once for each of my faces.

“I had some emotional issues, so I went to a therapist. And guess what I don’t h…”

“I did a charity walk the other day. They asked for money, and I walked.”

“I want to import what’s important, and export the trivial out of my life.”

“The only way I’ll play beer pong is if the room was a sterile room, the table w…”