Me: On time. Women: Late. Death: Early.

“I fell in love with a beautiful girl, got her pregnant, and then I got married.…”

“Kevin Love has a last name that sums up my feelings for you. But then again, so…”

“A mustache on a stick would not only be tastier than a popsicle, but ticklier t…”

“She’s not showing any interest in me and she looks like she doesn’t want to be …”