Most men want sex, without the kids or commitment. I want sex, but I don’t want to have to pay any money. But is that possible? I should invent a vending machine that dispenses sex. I guess it’ll also distribute political favors.

“If rubber bands played basketball, I’d tell them, You have to be better down th…”

“It’s not yummy gum if there’s no bubble. Just ask the Federal Reserve.”

“I had an out-of-body experience so strange that it felt normal. You see, my sou…”

“I had a dream where I lost Cap’n among the hundreds of black and white cats and…”