Mounting anything on a plaque instantly transforms it from trash into an award. For example, a dry disposable pen goes from junk clutter to the first annual writer’s award for dry humor.

“Whenever you have a goal, it's a good idea to have both a plan A and a back-up …”

“Before I make you boss, I want to tattoo “Assistant” around your asshole.”

“I snorted powdered flamingoes while I pondered love. I sat at the bar two hours…”

“I don’t need a hearing aid—I need a listening aid. And this aid, she’d better b…”