Mustaches are so cool that I not only have one—I have two. I wear both of mine above my eyes.

“99% of the population is afraid of public speaking, and of the remaining 1%, 99…”

“My ex girlfriend said she’d never cheat on me. Well, she did—with an accountant…”

“In my laboratory, I use science to measure love. Whatever you do, don’t drink o…”

“To love someone as much as you love yourself, that is the ideal. Especially if …”