My asshole smells like a paper mill. Three cheers for being a writer.

“If love were a collection of collections, would your relationship be banged-up …”

“To me, the most confusing part about golf is that I don’t know whether I’d rath…”

“It’s not yummy gum if there’s no bubble. Just ask the Federal Reserve.”

“When I’m introduced to a woman for the first time, I always say the same thing.…”