My business associate said, “OK, Jarod, let’s talk turkey.” And I said, “If you want to talk turkey, you’ll have to wait until Thanksgiving.

“Can you tell by where my eyes are looking what I’m thinking? Hint: I’m staring …”

“I would have sex in the backseat of my car, but from back there, how would I be…”

“If I aged twice as fast and lived twice as long as a normal person, would I be …”

“My fur coat doesn’t need to be dry cleaned, because it’s self-cleaning. It’s co…”