My couch is coffee-colored. I can thank Starbucks and clumsiness for that.

“My clones just honored me with the 2012 Man of the Year Award. But I wasn’t foo…”

“I had a Chinese girlfriend once who asked me how much she meant to me. I knew v…”

“I made art out of all the phone numbers on napkins I’ve had over the years. So …”

“The cheese was riddled with holes, and it was a riddle to me what kind it was. …”