My erection at noon causes an elongated shadow so black you’d think I was an albino.

“The best description of this book is found within the title. The full title of …”

“My name is a half an hour early, but my body is on time.”

“He was a vegetable, so trying to change his mind was fruitless.”

“I got my girlfriend knocked up. Next time I’ll ring the doorbell before I enter…”