My favorite salad dressing is vodka. And my favorite ice cream flavor is coffee, though I prefer it melted and hot enough to burn flesh.

“A blanket could be used to keep me single. Not that I need any help from anybod…”

“Love is a blue balloon that wants to be orange. Go Gators!”

“My phone died, so I cremated it along with my grandpa. Well, he was taking up t…”

“The quickest way to alter an altar is not with a hammer, or even religious deco…”