My favorite snack is vagina. The only thing I hate is unwrapping all that saran wrap.

“Two years ago I bought my brother’s slightly used iMac for five hundred bucks. …”

“I think you know if you disappeared from my life I’d be upset, but ultimately I…”

“In the epicenter of Epcot Center you’ll find me hiding, 333 miles away.”

“Obviousism—I would give you a definition, but the definition would only be an e…”