My list of chores is a little too important to include in my list of life’s goals.

“The problem with ebooks is you can’t get booger smears on the pages.”

“Onions enhance the flavor of food, and the taste of my kisses.
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“A blanket could be used to cover up Jude McNude. But despite his last name, he …”

“What is your SPM (sperm per meal) content? A politician’s is very high.”