My love for you is shaped like a left foot. And if you pulled my love out of your ass you’d know that.

“I bought you a gift. It’s something I’ve always wanted, but I’m not quite sure …”

“I had to sell my cigarette boat, for fear it would cause cancer.”

“A brick could be used to help you maintain a balanced diet, by keeping your hea…”

“While you weren't looking, I flicked a booger in your soup. Just my way of sayi…”