My mouth is often wounded by my sharp words, so sometimes when I’m out in public, I’ll wear a large Band Aid over my lips.

“I haven’t the faintest idea how babies are born, probably because I fainted on …”

“There are levels of humor. The level above mine is invisible and inaudible.”

“I found love in the arms of another woman. Who needs two legs, a torso, or talk…”

“It may be 9:01 am, and I may have a 9-5 business, but if you are a politician, …”