My wallet was empty after the charity auction. Of course, my wallet was empty before the auction too. I donated my time and money to strippers.

“If my love were a bagel, I’d put cream cheese on it. But it’s not a bagel, so I…”

“I have half a mustache. It was a gift from my father, who bought one with a Buy…”

“I am mad in love like fire, and I speak sushi after a night of fingernail sandw…”

“If I met a man who had eleven sons, the first thing I’d ask is, Are they all yo…”