My wife and I will probably have lots of kids. Just not with each other.

“Her legs are so long and sexy that I can see them 26.2 miles away. Gatorade.
”

“Some people say—not to my face, mind you—that I’m a cowardly son of a bitch. An…”

“I shit bricks, because I’m a constructive pooper.
”

“I vote to have my vote voided—which means my vote won’t count even when it coun…”