My wife died of someone trying to help her. He helped her find her way off a bridge and into a chained and locked metal trunk. Then he had the audacity to not accept a coupon when I went to pay him for his services rendered.

“Are you smarter than my brain in a jar? Have a pickle while you ponder it.”

“You know you’re in love when you reach out to hold your woman’s hand, without r…”

“When she broke up with me, I didn’t break down or break in to her apartment jus…”

“We’ve got a tortilla chip type of love. So am I to blame if I’m looking for a l…”