Never spontaneously combust alone, or without a bag of marshmallows nearby.

“A blanket could be used to reduce the weight of love, by exactly one person. It…”

“I need your help. Hold this water balloon while I pee in it.”

“Both sexes have assholes, and both sexes have nipples. Yet only asshole is a ge…”

“I’m 6’3”, but you would think I was Napoleon’s height because I’m slouched over…”