No matter how far I throw a ball, if I took the path of the ball and arced it around in a circle, the end point would perfectly overlay the starting point. That’s how accurate of a thrower I am.

“The shape of her smile is curved like a lie, like a boomerang she knows she has…”

“Love is like a corn-dog popsicle, and I’m on the Most Wanted list. Unfortunatel…”

“I watch baseball on TV like my cat watches the window. Somebody open the blinds…”

“I gave my girlfriend a gallon of my semen and a minivan and told her to fill it…”