Normally I charge 60 cents on the dollar for stolen merchandise. But since it was my mother-in-law, and I stole it from her, I only charged her 50 cents on the dollar. That’s love.

“She sucked my finger, and I licked the sleepy seeds out of the corner of her ey…”

“When I was a kid, I was just a boy. But that all changed by my 18th birthday. N…”

“The cloud cover made for a terrible blanket.
”

“I’m a magician. I can make food appear—and out of my penis, no less.”