O great and mighty Master Li, pray impart to me the Secret of Wisdom!" he bawled.

"Take a large bowl," I said. "Fill it with equal measures of fact, fantasy, history, mythology, science, superstition, logic, and lunacy. Darken the mixture with bitter tears, brighten it with howls of laughter, toss in three thousand years of civilization, bellow kan pei — which means 'dry cup' — and drink to the dregs."

Procopius stared at me. "And I will be wise?" he asked.

"Better," I said. "You will be Chinese.

Author: Barry Hughart