One day I’ll have my appointment with death, and every day I call out to God to see if I can reschedule for a later date.


“I’ll stab you with a pointy thingy. Not a sword, a knife, or even a mountaintop…”

“I am the alphabet soup of love. Eat me or read me, but don’t feed me to the cat…”

“I had to sell my cigarette boat, for fear it would cause cancer.”

“I wouldn’t want the guests at my birthday party confusing my celebration with t…”