One magnifying glass and one moonlit night is not enough to light her ant-like heart on fire. So I’ll just have to approach it the old-fashioned way—I’ll buy her love.

“I have half a mustache. It was a gift from my father, who bought one with a Buy…”

“Love is like a blanket: it will keep you warm, but it might also suffocate you.…”

“Sometimes I get advice from the fictional characters in my dreams. Sometimes It…”

“I don’t just have one mustache, I have two. You can hardly notice them, though,…”