Reginald “If” Ifa IV died today. His last words were, “Death, the great What if.” I dreamt this, but that doesn’t make it any less what iffier.

“If a man was choking, what would I do? Well, I’d remove my penis from his throa…”

“Don’t shave my head to make your wig of selfishness. Shave it because you care.”

“He’s got the curly Irish hair. You can’t eat him because he might be your fathe…”

“If you don’t cover your mouth, a yawn is an invitation for a blowjob.”