Rembrandt painted portraits, The Karate Kid painted fences, and I paint my toenails. But I’m not a snob, I still consider those other two guys to be artists.


“When red fights with white, pink is always the winner. Let that be a lesson in …”

“The number I had for her didn’t work. But in this depression, could you blame i…”

“If kids six and under eat free, then I’m an infant. Or at least infantile. Brin…”

“I want to direct a movie called “Sleep” that’s sure to put everybody to the tit…”