Rollie Fingers called. He wants his fingers back. And his mustache. Too bad I sold them to 1969 to buy some free love. Wait, if it was free, why did I buy it? 1969 ripped me off!

“In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love ho…”

“I’m too impatient to be impatient, as impatience often wastes time through repe…”

“Somebody took my bicycle tire, my bicycle seat, and both my pedals. They stole …”

“I’ll bet Ryan Lilly drinks coffee like a flower—a lily. I drink coffee more lik…”