Schrödinger’s cat was a Siamese cat, must have been, because if it’s at once alive and dead, it’s a zombie, and the only zombie cats are Siamese cats.

“Write your goals down on a sheet of paper. That way you can easily flip the pag…”

“To choose to chew, rather than converse with my fellow dinner guests, was the c…”

“My name is Al, but it’s not Al Falfa. You can’t eat me, damnit. At least not le…”

“What’s the point of being the first to arrive? Nobody is there to witness your …”