Should I masturbate before we meet up? I don’t want to be horny and thinking with my dick the whole time. I mean, it’s not like it’s a date. For Pete’s sake, it’s a job interview.

“If a man’s a constant hand-shaker, he must be a politician or a crook—or both, …”

“The last time somebody pointed out that cowboys ride horses, not tricycles, I s…”

“I love Blue Ribbon coffee, and she loves Red Ribbon coffee. I don’t love her, b…”

“I have a responsibility as a human being to care for animals—including politici…”