Social progress: for the same price as last year, I get a slimmer candy bar, less chips per bag, and I have to walk a little further to work, because to spend the same amount on gas I have to continuously park farther and farther away from the building.

“A blanket could be used as a Portable Night Generator. Just stretch it over you…”

“If I were a parent, I would feel like nudity should not be on the back of any m…”

“A brick could be used in place of a parachute, and a blanket could be used as a…”

“I wish the masses of people would all follow my advice, because I'd throw it of…”