Some people wish they could have invented the wheel. But I’m trying to reinvent the wheelbarrow, to more efficiently haul around my bullshit.

“I can’t go out tonight, because unfortunately I’m all tied up at the moment. I’…”

“My left hand is my bad hand. I spank it with my right hand. You might call it c…”

“A blanket could be used to stop abuse. Don’t cover up the atrocity—cover up you…”

“I’ve decided I like making love on rainy days. Ever since she asked me to wear …”