Somebody needs to pet me, and I guess that somebody is me. My cat is busy sleeping.

“If financial genius were legs, my girlfriend would own fourteen pairs of Jimmy …”

“A blanket could be used to put out a fire. Unless that fire is in your heart, a…”

“Thank God I don’t have a triangle-shaped asshole.”

“Rembrandt painted portraits, The Karate Kid painted fences, and I paint my toen…”